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working towards perfection (and failing)

Where every paragraph but one begins with ‘I’ …

I lost something today.

I think I lost something on Monday.  And I know I definitely lost something on Wednesday. I don’t remember what I lost on those days, but today I lost a roll of brown paper.

I know it existed because I wrapped up two small packages with it. When I went to wrap up another – just minutes later – it was gone.  There was only myself and Qyzy in the house and I’d left the room for barely thirty seconds whilst I collected a bag of presents from the bedroom. I looked everywhere … EVERYWHERE.

I nearly cried.

I am so exhausted.  I am so angry.  Every night this week I’ve come home and stomped around, being incredibly mean to Blokey in the process. I don’t want to be this way but I can’t stop it, however hard I try. I am so sad. But mostly I’m just so exhausted.

I’m in a ‘curl up under the duvet and shut out the world’ kind of exhausted/angry/sad mood but my brain is zooming along at ridiculous speeds, daring me to catch up and I can’t catch up.  I fear that it is mocking me.

Fuck off brain!

I fall asleep on the bus. I nearly fall asleep in hot classrooms during boring lessons. I want to sleep now.

I’m going to sleep now.

1 Comment

  1. Sounds like me. I sometimes get into a royal snit for no apparent reason. I think sometimes I just need to be grumpy/grouchy and that’s all there is to it!
    Hope you get the sleep you need and find something to cheer you up! :-)
    (and thank you! You were first, again, this year! ;-) )

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