The biggest lie I’ve ever told, still tell, and will continue to tell for always and eternity, is ‘I’m a good listener‘.
Two things happened at work yesterday which made this apparent in my pretty little head. The first was a VAK questionnaire I indulged in, simply because it was more detailed than ones I’d done in the past, and because the class I was supporting in were doing it too. It came as no surprise to me that I’m a visual-kinesthetic learner. My scores for these are fairly balanced, although I score ever-so slightly higher for visual. Basically, I like to learn through looking and doing. It also came as no surprise that my auditory score was so low as to be practically non-existent.
I’m the Queen of Switching Off. I can switch off during my favourite tellybox shows (thus missing important audio clues, but thoroughly enjoying the colourful pictures), in lessons, in meetings, mid-conversation (in person and on the phone) and even when nobody is talking at all. I’m convinced that when I switch back on again I must go from glazed to panicked because that’s what it feels like in my head. A typical evening in my house may involve me enjoying Blokey’s company and random conversations. The conversations may go something along these lines:
Blokey: talks about something amazing
katieF: Mmmm hhhmmm (nods encouragingly)
Blokey: talks about something earth-defying
KatieF: Oh right. That’s great … (smiles encouragingly)
The conversation will continue at some point (possibly the following day, maybe the next week) and will go like this:
Blokey: Well, (name) did (whatever) and we all laughed very loudly because it was smashing
KatieF: Sorry, who?
KatieF: What did he do again?
Blokey: (whatever) … I told you the other day!
KatieF: Did you? I don’t remember.
Blokey: You never listen to me (whine, moan, stomp off like a teenager having a bad day)
Okay, so he doesn’t stomp off, he just gets a trifle irked. You would think that after ten years together he should have realised that I switch off sometimes. He’d do better if he drew me diagrams and made me act out the scenario.
So, that’s why I’m always writing notes, and if I’m not writing notes I’m doodling, because if I’m not listening I must be doing, and if I am listening I still need to be doing or it won’t go in.
That must be the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written.
The second thing which occured involved a friend and a meeting, and us leaving the meeting and only me seeing that she was upset about something (that will be my high visual senses kicking in). I comforted her when she burst into tears at her desk and told her that I may be a bit shit at giving advice but I’m a good listener. Ha, ha. Then she was telling me stuff and my mind started wandering … it took an incredible amount of willpower to fight the glazed expression and the random thoughts from popping into my head. I think I succeeded. Just.
But it made me realise that I am NOT a good listener. I’m probably the worst listener in the world. But I do try my hardest and I want to take this opportunity to publically apologise (anonymously) for not listening to you.
And of course, the first sentence of this post is a lie, because ‘I’m a good listener‘ is not the biggest lie I’ve ever told, still tell, and will continue to tell. No, the biggest lie I’ve ever told, still tell, and will continue to tell will always be ‘Oh, I’m fine‘ …